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HELP!! I am dreading this year’s Christmas gift exchange.  My mother-in-law gives me the worst gifts. We have been married for four years now and we get stranger and stranger gifts each birthday and Christmas. One year I got an old sweater she had previously worn, then a rabbit fur muff (we were stationed in Florida, plus rabbit fur: GROSS!) and last year she re-gifted us the back massager we gave her last year to help with the pain while driving.

She has never liked me and I’ve killed myself trying to get her the perfect gift. Now I realize she just doesn’t care and it really hurts my feelings.  She doesn’t put any thought into our gifts and now we have a new baby and could use some things from our list.  So now I have to ask, do I still buy her a gift or just give up? How do I get through Christmas without being so mad at her?

— Lauren

Dear Lauren,

OMG, this is so much worse than getting a fruit cake for Christmas. At least when someone gives you a fruit cake, it’s an obvious “F” you. Any re-gifting by an in-law is way beyond passive aggressive, its nuts. But no worries, this is an easy fix.  Just wrap the back massager back up and give it to her again, because obviously it won’t matter to her.

Wait BETTER YET… what is something you’ve been dying to buy yourself, but never would? Maybe a Keurig? Buy her that, because the next time your birthday rolls around, you’ll probably be getting it back!

I hope you see the humor in this, because if you don’t, it will really drive you insane.

Not laughing yet? Ok, let me show you how to deal with this “Fruitcake” of a situation:

Change Your Perspective.

Make this situation work for you; see the craziness and laugh at it.  OWN the situation and expect the foolish gifts; instead of disappointment, laugh at them. Make bets on what the gift will be, maybe an expired ham, NADS hair removal, a hermit crab? If you do this you will start laughing instead of being angry.

Gifts are gifts. They are not always things you need and we shouldn’t expect people to fulfill our wish lists.  Christmas lists are for children, not adults. If she specifically asks if the baby needs anything, tell her a few reasonable items, but don’t count on it.

Lower Your Expectations.

Realize this is about her, not you. Sounds to me like you could give her the Hope diamond and it still won’t be good enough. I know a lot of mother in laws like this (she may have a serious character or personality problem). I would be willing to bet if your husband opened up about it, you’d discover that you are not the only one she treats poorly.

Unless you are giving out Prozac with a bow on top, you can’t fix her with a gift. So stop tying so hard to get her to like you, when she doesn’t take a moment to think of you in the same way. You’re just going to make yourself miserable.  I am not saying give her a bag of coal, just be thoughtful without expecting it to be reciprocated. That is the true meaning of giving a “gift”.

Create Your Own Memories:

Jon and I have a fun tradition, we make Christmas candy for friends each year and people go nuts! It’s fresh, personal, and people look forward to it every December. We enjoy making it, sharing the cheer, and people feel special that they are remembered.

So in the end, I think you should give your mother-in-law a sweet photo of her new grandbaby in a frame this year. It’s from the heart and so much more personal than an expensive gift from the Sky Mall catalog. Here’s a tip: engrave it, that way you might not get it back.

Merry Merry y’all!,

Mollie Gross

Do you have a question for Mollie you would like to ask? Click on the Ask Mollie section of our website to submit your question. We apologize in advance that Mollie cannot respond personally to every question. Selected entries will appear in the Ask Mollie section of the website. All submissions become the property of Mollie Gross.

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I am a fresh new army wife and I am going through my husband’s first deployment. This is kind of odd but I need advice from another military wife. How do I deal with my husband’s thoughts about me cheating on him? I don’t go anywhere, I have two babies and that’s the last thing on my mind. How can I reassure my husband that I am completely faithful to him and I am waiting on HIM for his return. What can I do with my time so this deployment can go quicker? I would really appreciate your advice.

— Celi

Dear Celi,

We all have insecurities when we are away from our loved ones; especially during a deployment. Honestly there is nothing you can do during a deployment to nurture a relationship. I call it “Riding your Vows” He sounds like he is having a bit more trouble than the average guy. I might suggest you have him talk to the Chaplain. If I were you I would get involved with as many on base or military related wives groups as possible. Find a great mommy and me class and go! First, this will get you involved and out of the house having fun and your husband will take comfort that you are spending your time with other wives and moms!

It also never hurts to send sexy fun letters and emails..a little flirting with hubby goes a LONG way!

Semper Fiesty!

Best,

Mollie

Do you have a question for Mollie you would like to ask? Click on the Ask Mollie section of our website to submit your question. We apologize in advance that Mollie cannot respond personally to every question. Selected entries will appear in the Ask Mollie section of the website. All submissions become the property of Mollie Gross.

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My husband and I moved to California in November of last year. I’ve been trying to make some new friends but we only have one car right now. We live an hour from base and he, obviously, takes the car when he goes to work. I’ve started talking to a few girls on Myspace, but I feel bad always asking them to use their gas to come here. Is there anything I can do to get more involved with the military wives on base?

— Alicia

Dear Alicia,

First let me commend you for being proactive! Good for you for meeting friends on line! I wish I had an easy fix for you, but its not that easy. My best friend Beenie lived in Temecula, which was an hour from base. It was really hard for her to get people to come out to see her and when she came to base for an event or Bunco party she usually spent the night. If you feel comfortable with that, that may be an option for you. Once she had her first baby, they sold their house and moved on base. They admitted they should have done it earlier. Honestly, you need to move closer to base. The base housing community is essential to military wives especial during deployments. You just can not find that support anywhere else. I suggest you get on the list for base housing, or move just outside of base. The experience you will have will be priceless and well worth the price of moving.

Best,

Mollie

Do you have a question for Mollie you would like to ask? Click on the Ask Mollie section of our website to submit your question. We apologize in advance that Mollie cannot respond personally to every question. Selected entries will appear in the Ask Mollie section of the website. All submissions become the property of Mollie Gross.

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My husband is a corpsman and we are stationed at a Marine Corps base on the East Coast. We’ve been here for a while now, but I’m still having trouble making friends. I only have about 3 friends. I’ve noticed that a lot of Marine wives won’t talk to me because I am not one. It seems like the only ones who do are those who’s husbands who have been injured during deployments. I don’t know any other corpsman wives either. We seem to be very few and far between! Our first deployment is coming up shortly, and I’m worried I’ll be lonely. Is there anything you could suggest?

— Sophia

Dear Sophia,

Let me assure you that is not the number of friends you have but the quality of friends you have. If Marine wives won’t talk to you just because your hubby is a CorpsMan, then they are jerks and probably of crappy character. I would not want to be friends with them either. Look at it like their loss.

My suggestion is put out a post on line, in your base paper or make signs and put them on your neighborhood mailboxes for a party. You and your three close friends could host a party for anything that interests you. Get a Cookie Lee lady to come out, or Mary Kay. Maybe start a Bunco group, or a book club. Invite wives to your house. A lesson I learned early on on base, is you have to put yourself out their and sometimes take the bull by the horns.

You could even start a support group for wives whose husbands have been injured!

Best,

Mollie

Do you have a question for Mollie you would like to ask? Click on the Ask Mollie section of our website to submit your question. We apologize in advance that Mollie cannot respond personally to every question. Selected entries will appear in the Ask Mollie section of the website. All submissions become the property of Mollie Gross.

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