Book Club Questions – Extended

  1. Mollie says in the opening of the book, “Why didn’t I marry a banker?” but later realizes she loves the man she chose and the lifestyle that came with it. Even when it means having to spray him down with the hose when he is full nude outside so he doesn’t track mud in the house. What aspect of military marriage do you find is a blessing and a curse? Bitter and sweet.
  2. Mollie and her husband eloped and not everyone supported them. What were the circumstances of your wedding? Were you supported?
  3. Leaving friends, family, hobbies, career, moving to a new state all was very overwhelming for Mollie at first and her anxiety took over. How did you first adjust to military life. What positive outlets helped you embrace your new life?
  4. Did you TMO or Dity , which is better?
  5. Team “base housing” Team “off base” which is better?
  6. The GO cart. Do you ever use “guilt” tactics on your spouse because you have given up so much for the military to get what you want? Is there some times that is justified?
  7. Do you think it is better to work or stay home? Mollie expresses struggling with not having a career while her husband was deployed but found putting her energy into her home very cathartic. If you have also struggled with not “working” in a traditional sense while your spouse deploys, what positive ways do you channel your energy.
  8. Mollie expressed being “easily” offended when her mother in law gave her red roses for Valentine’s Day when her husband was deployed. Later she admitted to being hypersensitive. Do you get “touchy” when it comes to the actions of extended family and others when your spouse is deployed? What tools do you use to put everything back in the right perspective?
  9. I found my, “Beenie”! I get messages from wives all over that they are so happy that they found their “surrogate spouse”. Who is your BFF?
  10. All thought Mollie and Erin never shared a duty station they have maintained a friendship for over ten years. How do you foster friendships after you PCS?
  11. Mollie said she had to distance herself from negative wives who she suspected would bring her down during the deployment. Have you ever had to distance yourself from a “friend”if so how did you do it without making it worse?
  12. Mollie talked about dealing with extended family and the misunderstandings that can come from the military lifestyle and from having their child deployed and you left to be the main communicator. What boundaries have you set with extended family when it comes to communication, visits, deployments, reunions and holidays?
  13. Mollie expressed limiting communication with extended family or toxic people during your spouse’s deployment. What way did you keep privacy with your spouse but still keep those who needed to be informed updated?
  14. What rules do you have for yourself when communicating with your deployed spouse so you don’t cause a “distraction “for them.
  15. When your spouse deployed how did you say “good bye” and why ?
  16. Mollie talked about picking up after Jon for the last time and then missing those things the most when he was gone. What did you miss the most?
  17. Mollie mentions the best way to deal with your own loneliness and grief during a deployment is to focus on matters outside yourself, by volunteering and staying proactive. What ways do you cope?
  18. What simple ways do you treat yourself or bring up your mood during deployment?
  19. The second they leave something is going to break. Do you have a funny deployment disaster story ?
  20. What hobby or activity did you take up during your spouse’s deployment to enrich yourself?
  21. How did you prep yourself and the home for your spouse’s homecoming?
  22. How do you integrate your spouse back into the everyday home life when he returned without causing major upheaval for everyone?
  23. Everyone talks about the men adjusting when they return, but how did you adjust? Where you “different” and if so, what did you do to create harmony and balance in your marriage again?