Ask Mollie: Should I Be Irritated or Not?

Dear Mollie,

I have been with my husband for 2 1/2 years.  He just deployed for the first time during our marriage and I’m not sure how to feel about another Marine wife who constantly texts, calls, and comes over a little too much!!  One day she texted me, and I counted, 15 times!!!

I could barely relish the fact that my own husband would be gone for 7 months because she constanly asked me about her husband (like I should know)! She calls, and says, “What are you doing?” Then I say, “I’m about to eat or I’m out with my friends.”  Nontheless, she keeps talking about things we discussed over and over again before.  I know that you need a little support while your spouse is away, but am I wrong to feel that she needs to give me some space? I just don’t want to treat her dryly when I know this is an emotional time, but the texting while I’m at work is really working my nerves! Help! What should I do? I look forward to hearing from you!

— Bliss

Dear Bliss,

The greatest thing about email, text and cell phones is you can see who is calling, and you can choose not to answer.  Sounds like she has some serious issues going on that you will not be able to help her with. There is no need for a confrontation or to be rude, just simply ignore these texts. Rememeber the rule, “if you do not have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” Well, you need to not say anything at all.

Make a rule, maybe email her every other day and say, “Hi, hope you had a good one, saw you texted me, I’ve been really busy hope you have been too!” That way over time she will get the picture and you have not been rude or hurt feelings.  She sounds like she is needy.  Maybe you could also suggest, next time she starts in, that she go talk to a spouse group or volunteer group that could help her.  Bottom line: you have needs too, you can’t be drained by someone else going through deployment.  Create a little space so when you do see her, the time will be enjoyable instead of annoying.

Semper Feisty,


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